New Things, old things

My new desktop will be on my desk (must remove clutter) tomorrow, if I’m lucky, or at the beginning of the next week.

I’ve been saving money for a long time, because I didn’t want to run out of cash, so I wanted to have MORE then the computer price, before buying it. But, after my kitten’s death (excuses, excuses) I needed something to cheer me up, so I bought the new computer, spending till the last cent.

Of course my parents still have some of my money, they said they’ll try to give it back to me little by little …. blah. At least I hope I’ll have it back when I finish my studies, since I NEED to move out.

For what concernes studies, I graduated (3 years degree) 1 year and a month ago, I should be halfway in my exams … but I’m not … I’m being a lot slow.

I know part of it is caused by depression, I’ve been not taking meddies from november to march, and this is not so good … caused me a lot of inability to concentrate, but now I hope I’ll be productive again.

I’ve also had a lot of health problems, so I had to go to the E.R. and to some private doctors etc … to check my heart, muscles etc… thank god heart was ok, it was just muscles near it hurting like hell.

So now I need to: have a surgery to my nose because I can’t breath properly (not deviated septum … I dunno the name of it … nothing special, won’t make me look different), and buy new glasses (bought old ones in june … but I can’t see anything, going worse everyday).

Problem is … I have no time for the surgery and I’ve no money for the glasses.

Of course I had the “must buy new glasses” news after I bought the computer.

Glasses money will be back in my pocket next year – private medical expences returns!! – (since I’m not going to buy D&G glasses, I just want new lenses for the old ones), but I don’t have it right now, so I’ve to wait a month or more.

Today I didn’t study muh because I was very sleepy, I’ve been to a party yesterday. I can’t say I had a lot of fun, but it is important to go out and meet people. Tonight I did not go out because my friend E. is on a date with her boyfriend, A. is sick and I don’t feel like calling L., even because she loves carribean dances, that I hate.

I hope I’ll go out tomorrow, but in a cheap place, since last saturday I had to stay home because friends went in an expansive club I could not afford.

I’m starting to be annoyed of being the youngest one, the others have jobs and still live with parents, so they can spend money. I don’t have a job and I hate to ask my parents for money. I did some baysitting lately, I hate it, but that’s all I can get if I want to study full time.

Messy-Cat

Yesterday Messy has been hitten by a car. She died.

I’m sad in an umbelivable way, I know a lot of people think she was “just a pet”, but she was my pet, and I did everything for her, I loved her, she gave me happyness.

House is empity without her.

R.I.P. beloved kitten.

Job

They wanted me to work everyday of the week from 2 pm to 7 pm, and 2 hours in sunday morning …. for …. 200 euro per month …. crazy! PER MONTH! I knew they don’t pay a lot, but this is ridiculous. I refused of course.

Money and family

I’ve been saving money for a long time, unlike my sister that spends everything that she gets.

I’m to the point I can buy a new computer (actually I could buy 2 very good computers or 3 kinda good ones), BUT … my lovely parents asked me to loan them the money, because they manage to be always broke, always. They already had 2000 € and if they don’t give me at least a part of the money back I can’t proceed into buying the computer, also some money i was wating for from university is late, so I’m kinda pissy about it, since i’ve been not buying myself anything, to save, save, save.
Tomorrow I’ve a job interview, it’s for a “call center operator” work, so I’m not sure I’d like to do it, they tend to pay nothing for a very stressfull work, and even if i pass the interview I’ll have to see what part-time would they offer me, eventually refuse too, afterall school is the first thing for me, because I’d prefer to leave my money-sucking family as soon as I can then earning a little money and having to live with them for a longer time. (No way I could survive with the money the call center would give me, I already know this).

Meddies

I’ve been sick, in the body and in the soul.

Body sickness was nothing to worry about, muscular pain, I went to the ER on monday night, because it was too strong, they also did me an ECG to be sure my heart was not the cause of the pain.

Soul sickness is always here, and I started to take a new meddie, an SSRI, again, but different from the one I used to take.

Doctor said I have to take it for at least one year. I only want to be fine.

Today, since I could not study because Marianna forgot to bring me back my books, I made 5 liters (about 170 oz, for the US readers) of Chocolate Liquour. I love it. But it’s too much. I think I’ll give some bottles away. Now I should buy some new Pure Alcohol, to do Limoncello.

…

I seriously think nobody cares about me.

Presents

I’m becoming a sort of serial-presenter … I’m buying too much presents.

Yesterday it was Ele’s Birthday, and I bought her  …. fluffy pink handcuffs …. we were celelbrating in a pub (The Black Cat), and almonst everyone saw the handcuffs and the handcuffed R. (Ele’s new BF).

Today is my cousin’s b-day, she is going to have a family party, for dinner … how funny … so I’m not going ouit with friends to go “celebrate” a 18 yo … love it .. yeah … blah … I did not buy her a present, but my family is giving her 200 euro … of course I still need a new mobile .. but who cares?

Today I also went at Vicky’s house, and gave her a present (Hello Kitty panties) … she asked me why .. the only answer I could say was “because you are my friend” … that’s all …. Vicky and Ele were the only ones that come visit me when I was sick.

I’m having a boring time, studying like crazy, I did an exam about omfg boring stuff and had a 25/30, could have had a better grade, but the prof. wasn’t really happy of the fact I did not follow his classes (I can’t be in two classes at the same time …. ).

Pretty much always the same old stuff …

Happy New Year

2007 is here.

I spent the last days locked in my house because of bad bad bad backpain, making me not even walk.

Now I’m better but not healed yet, so I could not go out and celebrate the new year with friends.

I would have loved to celebrate, I want to be social, I want to be with people, I want to have fun.

I think I gained a lot of weight eating christmas food and not even walking as I used to, no gym, nothing …..

I wish this 2007 will be better then 2006, even if 2006 had some good things.

I was happy at the beginning of 2006, now I’m not as happy as 1 year ago, but I want things to chnage and I want to have an happy year.

…

I hate being alone in this time of the year when all my friends are trying to buy the right present for their bf/gf.

I hate being alone, always, now more then ever.

I can’t stand anymore the world around me, it’s so squallid.

I can’t stand the fact I am totally pennyless this year, so are my parents … I need an USB memory of 2 GB because of my university files, and I can’t afford it, and they can’t afford it.

I need a new mobile because the old one stopped working, I don’t use it for fun, but to call university people (most of the time), I don’t want a fancy one, just one that works … neither this one is afforable.

I need a new computer because of university but yeah, also for games, why not … but the concept of me getting a new PC seems sci-fi now.

Yeah … I’m pissed off …

University eliminated a schoolarship because of lack of founding, so now good tudents won’t have money anymore .. so yeah, I’m studying for my future, for a better future, but mu present stinks.

Christmas Tree

My mom is decorating the Christmas Tree.

I refused to help her.

Nobody is helping her.

I suck as a daughter, but I did not feel like doing it, I’m sad today.

I don’t like Christmas, and the Christians should be ashamed of what Christmas is today, there’s nothing of religious in what I see around me.